Why do I insist on adding people with say, 2 mutual friends on Facebook? I don’t know them, but there’s an irresistible urge that I can’t ignore to click the add button. One click, and I make yet another regrettable incision, carving into my free will as I abide FB’s demand to befriend people I don’t know.
There’s no confirmation to go forward with my mindless actions which makes it even more regrettable. I have to wait until they accept and then apologise, or leave them to ignore it and let them assume I’m some crazy stalker or worse, some bumbling internet arse who has 2347076+ “friends”. My mind is slowly draining away at the mercy of Facebook’s suggestions as I blindly click the add button over, and over again…
Even worse, I don’t do it the normal way. I don’t just click add. I mooch around the profile before hand, taking into consideration who they know and where they may come from. And then I click the button, sending me forth into damnation, cursing over an internet bible with blasphemous intent using the Lord’s name in vain. Then, before a blink of an eye, low and behold Facebook invented the Friend Finder, as if I couldn’t make friends myself. I gather it’s supposed to be used primarily to find people who you may actually be friends with in the real world, but tell that to the 200+ classmates I have added and have never actually spoke to in my life.
So I log on every morning like I do religiously to see it perched above my news feed like a mothership over a crop circle. It’s just there, you see. Pointlessly. Who other was suggested than my school Math’s teacher and some relative unknown who I’m led believe, is also in my secondary school, who looks so young I’d have mistaken him for a foetus. Thanks Facebook. Here are your choices: add your old teacher and seem insecure about adult life as you cling to the seams of what childhood you have left, or appear like a friendless paedophile by adding an 11 year old when you’re off to University in just over a year’s time. Not that I can vouch for either of those; I do have three teachers on my friend list and a couple of 11-15 year olds courtesy of my brother and my friend’s younger love interests.
My point is: Facebook is fuelling my adding addiction. Sometimes I mask the embarrassment when they ask who I am by saying “sorry, you looked familiar”. That way, it doesn’t seem as creepy as what I meant to say: “you’re friends with my friends and I thought we could be friends too”. Maybe if I ever actually do encounter them, I’ll hold out a bag of sweets…